These twins are LOUD!!!
(This is the annual Holiday letter I send out to friends and associates. It features on how life in 2009 treated me and my family. I mass email it so I’m sorry if you get this and don’t know much about the players in my Lifetime TV movie of my world.)
So, let’s start with the good news. In 2009, no one in the Long or Ross family died. Considering the past couple of years of family heartache, this is quite an accomplishment for us! Now that we have gotten the good news out of the way, let us offer up that the first 9 months of 2009 were more taxing than the IRS. We knew that being in our 40’s with twins was going to be a severe kick in the rumps, but it is hard to explain how constant it has been. Add to this that Maddie has been tougher to take care of than 1 year-old twins…combined. I’ve been predicting August 2010 being the magical date when we get a somewhat more normal life. This is when the combined forces of all-day school for 1st grade Maddie, plus the twins being able to play on their own just might mean we could consider reading a book that doesn’t include the phrase “there’s a wocket in my pocket.”
The most perceptive might have picked up on how I mentioned the first nine months being the worst, this is because we found a new medicine that has made a big difference with Maddie. While it hasn’t been some kind of magical elixir, which heals like the fingertips of Oral Roberts, it has managed to bring Maddie down from her 100 mph to around 90 mph. She still can’t concentrate enough to watch any TV, but it has allowed her to keep a little better control of her emotions. The best part is she has been speaking much more clearly, allowing her to greatly increase her communication. This is really exciting, as we knew Maddie has lots of interesting things to share. Her 3 favorite imaginative things to do are to pretend to ride the bus, play doctor, and go to the hair salon. Oh, and here’s a shocker. Maddie is the class clown. I have no idea where she would get that.
NOTE: The CDC just announced new findings which show that 1 out of 100 children are now being diagnosed with autism. This is truly startling and sad news. Susan and I both believe that Maddie’s autism has made us better people on many levels, but if truth be told, it has negatively impacted us on probably as many levels. I guess that’s the way life works for parents of children on the spectrum.
Sam is a beautiful, sweet boy, who has an ornery streak that at this point is generally adorable. We realize that this adorability could waiver as he gets older. He has been slower to meet his developmental milestones in comparison to his twin, Mallory, which has caused some heart palpitations for his parents. When you have an older child with autism, you have an extreme microscope on their siblings. Sam is somewhere between his 2 sisters in regards to his development at the age of 21 months. He has made some positive progress in the past couple of weeks that has helped us feel a bit better, but my guess is we will battle our fears for a while more.
Now we come to Mallory or the alias she goes by at our house, THE PISTOL. Mallie is feisty, opinionated, confident, and sensitive. Quite a mix. She loves to read books and watch TV. Her favorite friends on the planet are the Backyardigans and Mr. Rogers. (Sam likes Fred, too, and is a big fan of the Trolley.) Sam and Mallory are twins in last name and birthdate only. They look very different and have very different personalities and likes. We think that makes for a good mix, as they complement each other.
Like most others, the standup comedy profession has been negatively impacted by the economy. The biggest hit has happened in the category of corporate comedy. I guess it’s kind of hard to justify having a comedian at your company’s holiday party when you’ve just laid off 10% of your workforce. I’m in the midst of my 7th year writing comedy sketches for the NFL on FOX (Frank’s Picks) and it’s been a really good year on that front. I also wrote a some material for Frank Caliendo when he hosted the NASCAR Awards Banquet. I would like to thank Bret Farve, Ocho Cinco, the Lions, Rams, Bucs, and especially the Raiders for all they’ve done to make my job easier. Oh, and I almost left out Tiger. Thanks buddy. Let me also mention that I’m getting started on a potential book project that I’m excited to do with my former blogging partner, Will Carroll.
Here’s my favorite story of the year. I go get a physical and my doctor says everything looks good except my cholesterol has risen. He says my weight is good and I seem healthy, so he then asks if I have been under any extra stress lately. I remind him that I have 15 month-old twins (at the time) and a lot of challenges with Madeline (we had discussed this 5 minutes before). My doctor then says I need to get more sleep. (Uh, did I mention I have twin toddlers?) He told me I needed to consume less caffeine. (Yeah, like that’s gonna happen). Finally, he mentions that I need to start eating a low-fat, low-sugar diet. I explained that in my current predicament, one of the few pleasures in my life are pizza and cupcakes. I mentioned,”I think it’s time to get your prescription pad open and dole me out some Lipitor.” I mean really, if you’re a man over 40 and not on some type of statin, aren’t you kind of light in the pants?
If you weren’t aware, Susan is pretty amazing. Her motor has had to run on high from each moment she wakes up to each moment she goes to bed. Our children are very lucky to have her as their Mom. She also is pretty easy on the eyes. Just like it did to me, the year definitely created some wear and tear on her. To escape the mania which is our house, plus help us with the massive medical bills we face, Susan has gone back to work part-time. It has been the perfect situation, as she is working for a friend and former co-worker who Susan has a lot of respect for. So, from Monday through Wednesday, she spends her days almost diaper-free!
Sorry this year’s model of Xmas letter isn’t more shiny and happy. Actually, I’m feeling more optimistic about the future, which is a weird place for me to be in. If good times are ahead, I don’t know what I will write about, so here’s hoping next year’s letter from us is a short one.
Merry Christmas and, as Maddie would say, “Ho-ho-ho!” I think this is the same phrase Elin Woods says when she watches TMZ.
Added bonus: A video music collage from the past year.